Lesson 2006....

Now a realist. I like to stand for those who matters to me. I try to look beyond the surface of things.

So many experiences both positive and negative, anger and loss. I don't hide behind anything or anyone. Life must be experience to the fullest by all means including all the bullshit that comes along with it. Communication and self-expression is the key to understanding all that's around, happened to you and experiences you'd endured.

My foundation is all the good and bad experiences that has defined the person that I am today. Perceptive study of one individual's understanding of my human condition. Developing nervous breakdown, symptomised by my bouts of unexplained depression, impulsive spending some cravings and generally odd, and erratic behaviour. It's a psychological battle and as a matter of fact, I do laugh away about it most of the time.

Does society have an 'ostrich in the sand' mentality, a deliberate ignorance of the emptiness that can characterize human existence? I do believe they exist. Beginning to probe and investigate my own sense of emptiness and isolation, before finally declaring that my world is full of 'phonies' with each one out for their own phony gain, or am I actually the one who is going insane, or is it society which has lost it's mind for failing to see the hopelessness of their own lives?

I'm just one of those creatives who'd sustained a passionate affair with the world's capricious imagination. Simultaneously possessed and separated from the 'real' world by body, by the flesh that has been rifled, forever estranged from a soul that is no longer my own.

I've famously circled around loners roaming on the borders of society. Feeding off the anguish and beauty, both emotionally and consciously blurring the line between fantasy and reality. No matter what happens, we are all still viewing the world in this prepetual state of wonder.

Life's about taking that big chance that you'd always wanted to take and don't care what happens as a result. Living with regrets is not really living, but to live any other way takes personal courage and a touch of authentic madness.

Finally January had passed and ended as the month itself is always a trial period for me. I'm only beginning to be glad that 2006 had left and things are moving on.. what a "rollercoaster" year and I was only being kind to use that word as a description! I can honestly say I've emerged feeling more "me" than ever before and can only expect to change for the better. It seemed there was a revolving door of people, and for every goodbye there is a fresh new face there to remind me that I am indeed very fortunate. (i'm so contradicting to my words above) and so what with flashes of thoughts that does not synchronized? who cares? I've met some new people in the most unusual circumstances (circumstances is not the point) ...had amazing amount of fun All in all, a hell of a ride that left me on top and I look forward to hereafter - i'll probably once again make and break some rules for myself - a fresh start is always good. a great year ahead and who is gonna stop me?