Clarity and Calm

While i suppose it isn't fair for me to write like i'm still sober, as i fell off my bed again this morning cuz i just felt too sick to do anything else, i'm still gonna keep trying, and at any rate my mind feels different these past few days.

Thoughtful.

not that that means shit, i'm always thoughtful in some way shape or form i guess, but a different kind of thoughtful. reminds me of how i often felt in college.

i'm feeling more inclined lately towards literature and intellectual pursuits.
maybe i'm just trying to bring out the pretentious side of me, in the ego's desperate attempt to hold on to some familiar form of identity.

that's food for thought, i just thought of that as i wrote it. funny how that happens sometimes. there's all these books i want to read, at the same time. "eyeless in gaza" by aldous huxley has always been a title that has stood out in my mind, although i've never read it. sometimes it can be really hard to get into huxley. the first time i read "point counterpoint" by the same author i couldn't put it down; i can still remember way back when i was still in college i looked forward for the day to end each day so i could go home and read my book (yeah, i'm a nerd, what of it?!) but since then i've found it hard to get into his stuff. just lacked the concentration or patience i guess. although "island" is also good by him (and of course the obligatory "brave new world".

maybe i just think "eyeless in gaza" is a cool sounding title. well, it is.
but i'll give that a try soon, possibly.