Is the Abuser not initially the Abused?

i was clearing up my junks few days ago when i finally came upon a pile of papers and it must have been hiding in there for more than a decade. Most of it was my thesis and this paper on "Is the Abuser not Initially the Abused?" had caught my eyes leading me to more thoughts about had things, our time, the society's changed since?

i used to hate to write, if i wrote somthing down, i felt it would last a day past forever and that was too long a time for me to bare my soul to such an "unsignificant" piece of paper. i felt i was admitting a truth to myself and the rest of the world, and as we all know the truth burns!

To me writing is like giving "amunition" to my enemy (whoever they may be) to one day stab me in the back with words. only to confirm what i had always felt, that "insignificant" piece of paper comes from an oak tree! so you can imagine my fustration as someone who always has somthing to express! why? i'm always contemplating "life" and it's meaning (is it a deal or no deal? am i the weakest link?) this is boring!

Sometimes i need to write so much that my heart starts to beat like an nigerian talking drum! to me that must mean the words are coming from my heart? thus from this day and forth i will "spill my guts."

we always show the decay of society, community, neighbourhoods through mediums such as news, magazine, radio and in my opinion most emotively through film. we show the ultimate conspiracy theory bad guys; "the government and police", we show the good guys who sometimes nobely do bad things as victims of their circumstances, then we show the DEVIL SPORN, the heartless, cold blooded, "came straight from hell to do some grocery shopping" characters that seem to have no mother or taste in their mouths for that matter.these are the murderers, rapists, drug feens,drug dealers, child molesters, gangsters, alcoholics, domestic abusers and racists that film potrays to audiences provoking hate for the character and everything it stands for.

don't get me wrong i am all for spitting on the bad guy and i have most definalty crafted the fine art of shouting taunts at the t.v screen whilst eating popcorn at the same time. I become fearful when i realise that the characteristics of these "DEVIL SPORN" are what fills this world today. That beggs the question is it deeper than that? i have an answer, one that people would proberly deem too simple; LACK OF SELF LOVE, LACK OF SELF WORTH CREATES THE "DEVILS SPORN"!

movies like, american history x, kidulthood, storm damage and most recent freedom writers show great thought provoking reflections of society's decay over significant life time periods, but the bad guy never changes!

would it change your mind about that bad guy if you knew:

that rapist was repeatedly violently raped as a child and despite the fact that he promised he would never inflict such a pain on another human being, he has become addicted to being the abuser so the victim can feel the pain he feels. it is the only thing that keeps him alive, reminds him of his worthlessness, he feels he deserves to be reminded of it! or when the racist was tormented as a child by other races that brought him near death in racial attacks, such as setting his house on fire, using his head as a football and making him eat dog mess. when they had finished with him his skin was all different types of colours! that child molester has extreme body  dismorphic syndrome that stems for being emotionly, physically and sexually abused as a kid by his gymnastic coach and starved by his parents to fufill their dream of him reaching the olympics. aproaching 50, supprisingly he was never an olympic finalst (for some unknown reason)and he has never had a decent intimate relationship ever! everytime he molests a child it "STEALS" a piece of his soul and when his soul is gone he knows there will be nothing left but to take his own life, that time is soon approaching! that the street gangster that everybody fears, suffers from severe depression and cuts him self, most of the "war wounds" on his body are self inflicked. he has nothing to lose because he don't care if he dies, he has seen his whole family die and all of his real friends. he now only has associates who in his eyes are just as expendable as he is. he smokes weed all day and crys himself to sleep at night like a baby, but in many peoples eyes he is the cause of rain. beef? what's beef? a chance for him to prays that someone will put him out of his misery!

so is the abuser not the abused?
is the tormenter not the tormented?
is the killer not dead already?
these are just some senerios that i've watched from movies doing my research while writing my thesis on psychoanalysis to provoke thought, that everything is not how it seems or is portrayed to be (yeah but we all know that!). let's write a screenplay that goes behind the scenes of the bad guys, what brings them to that desperate heartless point? they are human, or arn't they? what is that self loaf they are battling? do we see a little of ourselves in them, as terrible as we think they are?     

self hate is a curse a devilsh plot to destroy humanity through the devastating life cycle, one word, action or circumstance can have on a persons interpretation, understanding or growth.

sometimes i feel like we are "MOUTONS" (sheep) following the suggestion of who we are: 

"you are ugly..." " wow i must of been slapped with the face like a cow stick 10 times"
"you are nothing..." " i'm a couch potato! bake me!"
to love oneself must be as "impossible"? as diving head first into a sea of flames to find a needle in a billion stinging nettle haystacks!(pritty easy if you think about it!) 

kinda glad that i took the time to read it where it got me thinking again how our mind is extremely powerful and one thought can plant a seed for the demise or empowerment of you. so to who this may concern (i thinks its suzy or joe, but my psychic powers are weak today) let me plant a seed in your mind with my words that will hopefully turn into an "OAK TREE" in your life.