A Cryptic Declaration

When everything feels wrong and fate seems to be gently pushing you away from the direction you are going in....I can almost physically feel an ending. I don't feel a new beginning though. My ultimate the 7th sense is brutally accurate and everytime when such ass-senses creeps in, it scares me. I already knew that there will only be emptiness after this. So here we go...

What do you do when you lose your dream? Any dreams. Where do you go within yourself when everything you have ever wanted your whole entire life is not a reality. I can remember as a small child dreaming of the days when I was an adult. I wanted it all and i kinda have it all...but there's always something that's missing to complete me, something that I always wanted to do and that someone who understands me. Being the driving force behind everything I am, have done, and I thought would be. I feel the need for it to be gone, sometimes. Because of that dream it had make me weak, vunerable to those who take for their own needs. You see, people are afraid to waste their years of their lives trying to fufill a dream that cannot exist. So I stripped off my hopes, my dreams for a future and left with nothing to fill that void. Empty inside, a shell. It's just same shit but a different day everyday, and we live in it believing that there's no other alternatives. The tears are less, the panic is real. I try to venture out to connect but my pain which is so real, my feelings which are so clear are like a mask of pain I wear upon my face. My energy is lost sometimes where it bleeds from me with each breath. I look around and slow motion is what I feel. WTF, this is so drama!! Well the thing is I need all these to numb and not feel. Now sleep is another escape and I can only do so much, too much time wasted. Each time I try to close my eyes I see a face in front and I wake to see the vison had disappeared. I guess in time the feeling will pass. I wish I had it in me to forget and to walk away from my pain and move on, detachment still interest me. Perhaps someday I'll have a new dream and that dream depends on me only. Its hard to give up something you have wanted your whole life. I was chatting with a friend earlier and he raised a question for me to find out if I've given up on "friends"? That was too easy for me to answer in a split second....I said to him: I'll never give up on those whom does never give up on me.

Though I had wished there was someone to hold my hand through it then again I just don't want to drag them through the fire and here's to everything that was over sooner rather than later.