We fear what we want most.

We fear what we want the most…Love, Monogamy, Marriage..The same people who hate those words, crave those words. How could that be? The same exact people who are afraid of commitment...The ones that never fully let go and end up running away. Are the hopeless romantics who dream of meeting that special person and settling down together... start a family... living happily in harmony?

How can a girl who's willing to change her last name for a man be afraid of taking his engagement ring and why would a guy who wants to meet his future partner act like such an asshole around women? It's a paradox and a contradiction, or so it seems. I am one of these people. Sometimes it's hard to figure out why.

These are people who've learned too well from their mistakes. They have also learned from the mistakes of others around them, specifically their pasts. On the exterior surface, they may seem cold and distant at times, or on the contrary, some become overly emotional...The truth is that something so real scares them more than anything. The depth of their thoughts are something that they do not wear on their sleeve. Our emotions and feelings are so strong and our standards are so high, that we honestly expect disappointment. Not only do we want it, but we want it now!

Why waste another 2 years on some chump? Screw up, just fuck up now, so I can move on with it. So the cycle begins again...These are the same people who walk away from true love. These are the same people who stay and then are proven that it wasn't worth it.

Sometimes, we fear the very thing that we want most of all. What we must learn is not to fear love, but to embrace it. Open your heart and let it in. It's very easy for these people to flip a switch and shut it all off. Sometimes, it's better to feel nothing at all it seems. But if you feel the pain and backlash of a broken heart, rejoice in the fact that you are still alive with feelings left to hurt you. If you fell on your face and it didn't hurt, then you'd really wonder what was wrong with you. So, why not now?

Although things may never go the way you would like your stepping stones in life to head up hill or should I say down that yellow brick road. At least I know there are people out there a long my side whether near or far, to give hope or dismay, that makes you want to keep challenging yourself through the obstacles in life.

There are setbacks, broken hearts, misfortune, sickness, your empty cup seems to never get half way full. But the thought and the drive to make things alright, that hope and faith you know you got keeps pushing you to fly, the inperations and goodness that gets the fire of desire to do whats right and keep striving for a good and humble life. Even the mystery of the unknown to what suppose to be on time, or planned to ones knowlegde, is a forever growing self that overcomes and becomes stronger in areas we least know of, courage, faith, tolerance, kindness, unconditional love, care, and humbleness. Without those features within your spirit, what a world this place would be among the turmoil that most people can't claim or phanthom to dispare such agony. And what a world it would be if we were just to lazy and selfish to overcome with positivness rather than bitterness and hate.

When I think about it, I thank those that walk behind me, before me to follow and most of all those beside me! Such is life! Make the best of it, regardless your position in life, spiritually, mentally, physically or financially. As long as you breathe there you exist in this phenomenal world and why not make it outstanding?