10 Things.

Somewhere along, I promised a friend to write things that now does not matter anymore.

1. I'm sorry that I've never had your back the way that you've had mine. There's nothing I can do to make up for the time I've wasted not being a part of your life. At this point, I feel like I've lost my chance to really know who you are anymore, despite how much I want to. Despite all this, I still feel like there's something with the two of us that is thicker than just blood. 

2. There's nothing that says we should even be friends, but for whatever reason, I can't seem to get you out of my life. In fact, I think we've spent more time hating each other than being friends. But for some reason or another, we are. Mutual insecurity?  Possible.

3. I hate that you let people walk all over you and then use your hurt as a tool to manipulate people into feeling sorry for you. If you really wanted a better life for yourself, then you'd suck it up and get on with it. I think what I hate most about you is that you're every bit as controlling as I am. Regardless of all this, though, I care about you a great deal, and I just wish you'd make better choices. And we did have good times, no matter how bitter the aftertaste.

4. For a long time, I've had to cover-up everything about you, for fear that the truth would come out and that I would finally have to admit to myself how much you've utterly destroyed me for so long. And now your reign has ended.

5. You wasted years of yours trying to be everything I wanted. You were the support I never got. Yet I still believe that you deserve better the best and I sincerely hope that you find it, whatever it is that you need. I know that there is so much potential and talent and love in you, and you're truly a wonderful person.

6. I sometimes don't really believe that I knew you. It seems like I dreamed it all up, like one of my other tall-tales. It didn't take long after you left for me to stop imagining ridiculous scenarios of us in my head, but I wish we talked more. I wish we'd had longer to feed off that creative energy we found, but hey. That's life and distance.

7. However short-lived it may have been, I have never been more impassioned by life and art and the times I spent with you. Let's just say there's nothing I ever say about you that encompasses how much you changed me. You replaced my apathetic facade with a true lust for living, and for that I thank you.

8. You are the best coincidental story of my life, even if we met in an abandoned space lit by a single lightbulb. You're incredible in every sense of the word, and the world is a better place for you being in it.

9. I secretly think that you're the only one that understands me and leave for no reason at all. I'm glad we met. 

10. I have grown. We don't have any mutual friends anymore. But I can't help missing you, even if we don't talk.

So if it makes you happy.