Personal Stock.................

What's the difference between self-criticism and self-awareness? There's so much talk in the world about loving ourselves just the way we are. The idea is that we are each perfect and beautiful. It goes even further to say that in reference to our personal journeys, we are exactly where we are meant to be and there's no need to berate ourselves for not being more spiritual, more educated, more affluent, more of anything. My concern is that so many people take that to mean they can then sit...


(is this about self-worth again?) and do nothing about fixing any of their self-limiting ways. People act as though acknowledging a flaw or even using the very word 'flaw' is the same as self-hatred and is too critical. Yes, those who have been on the path of self-enlightenment for a long time have discovered the difference, but I'm not so sure that the everyday Joe on the street understands the message completely.


Nobody lives a perfect blissful life from birth to the grave. Problems arise and we usually play a role in creating those problems for ourselves. Perhaps the problem is that we just aren't where we want to be in life. If we are ever to fix anything or solve any problems, we must first pull our head out of the sand and acknowledge the situation for what it is. Take full stock of ourselves, our beliefs, our gifts, our talents, our challenges, our flaws, everything. By really looking at ourselves, we can then decide what we do and do not like about ourselves. From a place of self-awareness, we can determine what is helping us to accomplish our goals and what is limiting us. This is being self-aware to me, well at least for now.


Now, self-criticism looks very similar. We are taking inventory of ourselves and assigning positive and negative labels to those traits we find within. The difference comes in the form of the attitude we use while doing so. If we are judging the various attributes, especially from a harsh light, then we are being critical rather than simply being aware. When we are being self-critical, we are not loving, logical, nor detached from the various elements of ourselves that we are analyzing. We are being very judgmental and unnecessarily harsh????? Either way, we come to the same conclusion that changes need to take place, but the emotional fuel behind them is very different. One says, "I choose to change because it will help me to manifest the life I desire for myself. I am perfect whether I change or not, but I choose this change because I would like to eliminate this self-defeating behavior." The other says, "I must change because I'm a loser and no good. I must change because if I don't, I'll never be a winner. I can't love my self until I am a winner and am therefore not worthy of anyone else's love either." Both of these views can be very powerful motivators, but the journey of life is difficult and challenging enough without our having added unnecessary negativity to it. I've had both thoughts and one turns out to be easier on myself rather.


Many of us were raised to be self-critical and have to learn how to love ourselves. The goal is to be able to be both self-aware and self-loving. While trying to get to that point, there's bound to be a transition period. During that time, while taking inventory of ourselves we need to make a conscious effort to remain detached and logical. Pretend that you are Spock from Star Trek. Do not attach any emotion whatsoever to the various lists of positive and negative traits. They simply exist. They are what they are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no need to judge them good or evil. Make an effort to logically analyze what is serving you and what is not. Then make an informed decision as to what kinds of changes you think might be of benefit to your future hopes and dreams. Eventually, the detachment can be shifted towards having a loving emotion towards ourselves during the process. But for starters, a detached evaluation will still serve the purpose of getting you moving along towards a better future without the pain and heartache caused by being critical and mean to your self just for being human.


The only thing worse than ripping your self apart with cruel self-thoughts, is to pretend that nothing is wrong and to continue moving through your life repeating the same bad experiences over and over while never learning from them which I can remember of few of them. As long as we hide from ourselves and don't face our flaws head on, then we are making a choice to live an unfulfilling life. Don't take the teachings about loving your self just the way you are to mean that you can't improve upon your chances at happiness by making some internal adjustments. When you love something, you nurture it, protect it, help it to grow and thrive. The same should be true with self-love.


In being honest with ourselves regarding who and what we are, we can then begin making real choices that have a real impact on our future happiness and decide to make tiny adjustments or great big life changing alterations. Avoiding taking a good long look at your self will not make the core of who you are and how you approach life get any better. The act of avoiding self-reflection in and of it implies that you really don't see yourself as beautiful and exactly where you need to be in life. So, have you learned anything today?......

What is it today?

Ever wonder if you've gone too far? If you've learned too much (never enough) and you know that you've reached that pivotal point from which there is no turning back? The clock strikes top of the hour, the hour glass empties, all of those seemingly insignificant instances suddenly converge into this one defining moment. And here we are, the point of no return. 

You find yourself alive. Adreneline rushing. The veil lifted from your eyes for the first time and you drown your senses in the truth. Your mind and heart are racing, you want to scream out to the world, grab it in it's entirety and shake it to attention "WAKE UP!".

Then our doubt comes into play. What will they think of us? What will they think of me? Have I now become an enemy of the establishment? What if my friends and family don't believe me? 

Am I all alone?

Fear strikes us down, blinds us and beats us into submission. We alienate ourselves from ourselves and redefine ourselves into these new found perspectives. What direction do we take when we are treading uncharted waters?

And here we are. In our darkest hour, in our brightest moment. Alive. 

We have some choices to make. Do we accept what has been handed to us throughout our lives and believe everything we've ever been told, or we reject the lies, reject the programming, the indoctrination, the systematic repression of our senses and take back our lives?

Do we feed ourselves to the wolves or do we rise up and become a shining star? 

Do we mask our discontent in our fears, or do we embrace the challenges that we face in a beautiful world worth saving?

This culture of illusion must not blind us. We are who we set out to become. We will be the future that we create. 


Dear Alcohol... (after the 2nd Zhen Jie's waterfall episode)

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed.

The perfect post-work cocktail, and you're even around during the holiday's hidden inside chocolates, as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless social gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:


1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance, or necessity, takes place after 2 a.m.


2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a a bag of fried tofu chicken with chili sauce, along with chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.


3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary! The black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.


4. Furthermore, the hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of chips, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.


Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 12am on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.



Thank you,
Your biggest fan




P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon


THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Words To Live By?

Recently, I spoke to someone from someone half way around the world. Such a brilliant and full of inspiration, a soul and I would love to meet this person again one day.

We talked about the whole situation of finding balance, whats important and what isn't. Deleting the things you don't like and multiplying the things you do. The only problem with this is the things you like, might not agree with you. So sometimes you can be so caught in this illusion of perfection that your blinded, and in any other circumstance you would have the knowledge to realize you are being stupid. Don't get involved with shit people, or get fooled by their lies. Never allow yourself to get played, that isn't an excuse however to play. Make your intentions clear. Don't succumb to people buttering up to keep you sweet. Be content with your own happiness, you don't have to rely on a love fix to make you smile. Don't use redial only if its an emergency, if they don't answer they probably don't wanna talk to you. Spend a bit. Save a bit. Research the things you are unsure of, better yourself. Being pretentious is overrated, so is being too nice. There's a time and place for everything. Contemplate your thoughts, as you must be thinking of them for a reason. Follow your heart as you are only young once. Focus. Sometimes allow for beautiful distractions as spontaneity can be a blessing. Write down the songs that make you cry. Remember your friends the ones that you've told your secrets too, they can always tell other people. Trust a few. Don't dare to be different, be comfortable being you.

This friend whom had taught me great deal... so glad to be around.

Another day.....

I was standing there in my apartment getting ready for the day and as a familiar song comes on the speakers i had to stop for a moment as memories flooding me. I listened to each line recapping every moment of that night, scenes pierce through my mind, memories of that place, every last detail of it. I relived every look that was passed, seen or not seen, the words that were said, the stream of emotions that were felt. I remembered the next day, how lost and empty it all felt. the feeling of desperation. I thought about the undeniable bond we shared then by default, whether its acknowledged or not. That night changed my life, and possibly everyone else's. All I can do now is be thankful that it turned out the way it did... and I finally saw the truth of a person in there with that I wouldn't change the way he was for anyone.



imperfecture