Happy Birthday

Today I wrote a birthday message of love to a dear friend, and in it, ended up giving myself a reality check...

"...this birthday should be yet another in a continuous stream of reminders of how amazingly lucky we are to have all of these. Life of wonderment and curiosity, the joy and pain of it all! To have these fingers and toes! To have the smell of sneakers to greet us when we open the door...! 

To remind you of the precious value and majesty of every tiny detail is to also remind myself; and that is a gift beyond measure.... "

So I thanked him for giving me the gift of redirecting my gift of giving back onto me! (?!) I must keep stepping out into the Real world of what-is-Really-Real-And-Good if I am to survive. Currently, I keep stepping out of my happy dream world into the harsh reality of "what is really not good and makes me very sad",and that being so overwhelming, I retreat back into my illusory world of denial and pretense. It's like having a wonderful room in which you stay, but the house it's in is horrible and nasty. If only you could get outside into the big world, you would be able to breathe again. And the worst part is... It's all In your head.

When I remember why I am really a happy and excited person in real life, it starts to cut through the clouds and lift the weight which crooks my back (so unflatteringly!). But there just seem to be so many clouds...Maybe it's best that when you can't see "out", that you look "in" for the time being...

It's a Winnie-the-Pooh sort of philosophy... a tubby little cubby, all stuffed with fluff, so it must be true..."Tut tut, it looks like rain!" - I spent so many years being Christopher Robin the problem solver, I guess it's only fair that I must cycle through my fair share of time being Piglet (afraid) & Tigger (extroverted) & Owl (didactic) & Rabbit (neurotic) & Pooh (serendipitously happy-go-lucky).  For the better and the worse, the lessons are undeniable.