Cleansed.

Such a wonderful evening last night... I dived into the pool, it was my kind of pool size for me to do a typical 15 laps. The water was perfect. I was floating with my eyes shut thinking what life would be like if I was still lingering the kind of same lifestyle I used to have. It, I would called it a little sense-less. The past couple of years, I thought I had found true friendships which I had strongly bond with doing things together on weekends in and out, the usual stuff, the usual suspects and when it all crumbles, I was lost for a while...look, my social support was gone, what I thought was good for me turns out to be the opposite. The past had been a real hindrance of my future. I am glad that now that is over. In a mere little more than a couple of months, I am doing way better then what I did for the last couple of years. So much that I've missed all these time. Where was I?

We sat by the pool, all the bbq food, salads, champagne, our each invented cocktails, music flowing from the glass house, endless and endless laughter between the few close friends. Something about where I am right now just feels right. i think i was fighting life too much and letting myself fall short of these expectations and hopes i had. Now i've let go of myself and drifted into this blissful abyss i've always known to be here. Call it a dark period or call it nothing at all. For some reason i'm happier than i was before.

I think i'll stay for a while, ahhh....