Learn and beyond learned.

Today, it dawned on me, as I realized a lot about myself and life in general. I learnt things that I know will change who I am and other situations to be prevented and more understanding towards life.

Learnt, that it is definitely no one elses fault but my own. My decisions, chances, and moves I make in life are merely my own. Therefore, I let myself down when I shed tears and feel like I do. It was my decision to take that chance and think that someone would love me as I love them and overcome all obstacles to be together and make it work. It was my courageous decision to think that I put my trust in someone. It was my decision to overcome obstacles to know others would disagree and degrade me for who I am with who I love and want to be with. It was my choice to give it a try and put a little hope into it. So it was my decision to take the chance of a broken heart and know that I am but just what I keep hearing all the time, a good piece of my own advice. That was my choice to put myself in that position knowing all possibilities are what was being told and still being told. My choice to think and try otherwise that I may have been and not been loved and life being fully challenged with someone. So as some people say how stupid I am for letting some situations be without the choice for standing up for myself.......Yes stupid I may be, but a lot I learnt from it.

Just one lesson I didn't really want to learn by actions, rather should have learnt by others. Thats o.k. it just makes me a stronger person, and more aware of what I realized. Therefore more caution and realistic time and effort must be put forth if ever there should be someone who claims to love me and wants to be love by me. Till, then.......I know it will be just my simple life.

A heartbreaking situation that brought tears to my eyes that how I couldn't figure out what I was able to figure out someone. Well, it's not my duty to reckon out their actions or wrong doings. I do realize it's my fault my tears, because I chose to be there unconditionally with no ask of anything in return. Always there when needed, with the spirit of just being me. Ask and you shall receive, and I don't. Even if it is more than I should be or give, so it is truely my own fault for being such a person. My own doing of tears falling with bitter sorrow, this is inevitable so looks like it's just a few things left to say here.

Will I be that open and freely give my all to another chance of loving partner relationship? Will I be as kind and giving as I always am, even though I'd prefer not to do half the things I do for others, that ask of my efforts? Will I be able to ignore others needs to fulfill my own? Will I be more sturn in what is required to be a part of my life towards others? Or will I choose to be the same and keep getting the same results, but just reminding myself with each tear that falls or heartbeat that ache. That I did my best, I did my part, I did my deed, It was my choice, so just dust the dirt off and keep going even though you feel beaten and have no more energy to go forth. Smile, smile, smile and cry later?

It's my world, should you live in it or I live in yours? Funny....seems like I tried to believe as if it's ours but realized the contrary. Not because of someone else or someone did something, or said anything. Very unreliable and irresponsible way of living life. Letting others actions be accountable for your life and the situations that happen.

My realization and thoughts, I know my ownself better than others think they do and I take full responsibility for my failures is and may be. My set backs that happened and lets not forget for all the abundant good, joy, and simplicity of life I bring forth and pursue, my choices, my actions, makes my results and that makes my life.